Indeed, in a healthy family life we experience some of the fundamental elements of peace: justice and love between brothers and sisters, the role of authority expressed by parents, loving concern for the members who are weaker because of youth, sickness or old age, mutual help in the necessities of life, readiness to accept others and, if necessary, to forgive them. For this reason, the family is the first and indispensable teacher of peace.As a priest who regularly hears the confessions of children, I know that children often fight with each other and argue with their parents: this might seem to contradict the Holy Father's optimism.
But I think he is absolutely right. One simple way that parents exercise their authority and teach peace is to tell children "No!" or "Stop that!" From parental correction, children learn what is right and wrong. Good parents also, of course, explain things and teach children what is good and holy too. But ultimately, if Caius is pulling Livia's hair, Mum or Dad has to tell him to stop it.
The importance of the family is that this injunction is given by one who loves the child and for whom the child has a natural and deep-seated love in return. The moral education that a parent can give is far more effective because of this mutual love. The various possible alternatives to the family that social dreamers have proposed from time to time have all been disastrous failures. In the sad case that a child has to be taken into public care, the authority of carers is never more than a very poor second best, however good they are. Even the most secularist will accept that "foster care" of some sort is better than anything even further removed from the natural family.
The Holy Father has used this World Day of Peace to underline the point that the family is essential to a peaceful society,
The language of the family is a language of peace; we must always draw from it, lest we lose the “vocabulary” of peace. In the inflation of its speech, society cannot cease to refer to that “grammar” which all children learn from the looks and the actions of their mothers and fathers, even before they learn from their words. (n.3)and that therefore
whoever, even unknowingly, circumvents the institution of the family undermines peace in the entire community, national and international, since he weakens what is in effect the primary agency of peace.
4 comments:
So true!
Unfortunately, many of us did not grow up with this "peace". I am a child of divorce..in fact, my brother and I had to define the term "divorce" to our friends, because none of them knew what it was...their parents were all married.
I have recently really begun to understand the harm this has done to us, and to others.
I am also re-opening the door to discernment to religious life, and as such, in speaking with a friend who recently spent time discerning a call to a particular cloister, revealed what Mother Superior told her: that many men and women have Vocations to the priesthood and religious life, but they can't properly receive the Call because their own family lives are so broken. They have no sense of family.
And from this lack of a sense of what family means, we have...well, the society around us.
I feel so blessed just to SEE this, even though I also realize how far away I am from having a true understanding of what "family" really means.
There are a good many out there who want to have "a family" but have no idea what that means; they've never seen permanency, among their own kin or others. There is a sense of "shopping" for spouses, akin to finding a job. If it doesn't work out, there are others.
The "one and only" is seen as a fairy tale and nothing more. People haven't been raised to see anything other than what is pleasant in the here and now.
On one hand, I want to say that preaching about family is an exercise in futility; on the other hand, as one of the thirsty singles who used to be separated from EVERYTHING, well, the Grace of God overcomes all obstacles. So keep speaking the truth. People will come home, once they know what "home" and "family" mean.
ADT - thank you very much for this comment. I have felt the temptation - which affects many priests - always to speak about divorce whenever we speak about marriage. I think that this is not always helpful. Although I speak about divorce sometimes, I think it is important also to speak about good families which are basically doing things right as far as they can. Your words are very encouraging and confirm my feeling that this is also in fact helpful for those who have experienced the breakdown of their family.
A device I use with youngsters is to ask them "How many of you want to be married when you grow up?" They are a bit uncertain because they are not sure whether it is possible to have a happy and lasting marriage. Then I ask "How many of you want to be divorced when you grow up?" There is no need for them to answer, of course. then I say "Let's see if there is anything we can do here and now to try and prevent that happening." And this is a way in to talk a little about the importance of chastity.
Yes, Father, absolutely. People need to have this "ideal" held up, defined and revealed to them as an example. No family is "perfect" but not all families are dysfunctional, no matter what psychologists want to say about it.
(The truth is that most psychologists are dysfunctional, so they can only see the world in terms of their own dysfunction; that's why they've psychologized theology...)
Anyway, keep doing what you're doing. Even if you don't see the fruit of your efforts, it will happen, one by one.
Oh...and Happy New Year!
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