H/T to Mulier Fortis for pointing out this very funny article: Cappaphobia by Gerald Warner. There's no point trying to pick out quotations from this one - but do put your coffee down while you read it.
As a matter of urgency, the Church needs to arrange that every parish move swiftly towards the implementation phase of a national Cappaphobia Recognition and Understanding Directive. There should be no difficulty with forming a co-ordinated steering group of qualified experts to produce this CRUD. A budget of £250,000 or so would be adequate to begin with; this could be generated by a second collection on a designated "Noble Simplicity Sunday." In accordance with best practice, approximately 45% of the sum would be earmarked to produce coloured Gift-Aid envelopes, a glossy brochure, model bidding prayers and sermon, reflections on the readings, and materials for the Children's Liturgy.
In the meantime, as my contribution to cappaphobia sensitivity training, I have produced this warning sign that can be reproduced for seminars and should be posted on the door of any Church where a Pontifical High Mass is to be celebrated.