Many years ago, Sir James Goldsmith's "Now" magazine was the butt of jokes in Private Eye on account of the planting of piles of unsolicited copies in dentists' waiting rooms in a desperate bid to increase sales.Several parish priests have recently told me that they have received piles of unsolicited copies of the Tablet. It would be interesting to know how widespread this is. To my knowledge, Blackfen parish has not received any, but I expect my sacristan would swiftly hide them from me if they were to be delivered. She is touchingly concerned for Father's health and would not want him to suffer high blood pressure unnecessarily.
The altar servers who enjoyed the fire extinguisher training session are desperate for a re-run with a real blaze. They did suggest that the Tablet would be suitable kindling matter but could not find any copies in the Church.
I encourage parish priests to let me know if they have had problems with the Tablet mountain - and readers generally to offer suggestions along the lines of "101 Uses for an Unsolicited Pile of Tablets". (Do remember that this is a pro-family blog and that rude words are not allowed.)
16 comments:
Fr, this Tablet mountain could be very useful. Simply shred, make a layer about six to nine inches deep, cover with a thin layer of any available animal manure and a sprinkling of lime, and repeat layers until you run out of Tablets. If necessary, send the altar services to all nearby churches for their Tablets. Water well, cover with a tarpaulin, and leave nature and time to do its job.
In this way, something useful for the local church (such as cucumbers or cabbages) could be grown from the negative, sour, and aCatholica outpourings of the Tablet crew.
I have hayfever. If anyone feels like donating a pile of unwanted Tablets, it would save me a fortune spent on Kleenex when June rolls round.
there were 3 plies of tablets standing on the wall, 3 plies of tablets standing on the wall,e3 plies of tablets standing on the wall and if one pile of tablets should accidently fall they'll be two piles of tablets standing on the wall
Because you rule out "rude words" I am prevented from expressing my true feelings about that Tablet rag.
But don't burn them ...The Tablet already raises enough smoke. Maybe throw it on compost heap with the other worms?
Could they be used to block the hole in BP's oil well in the Gulf of Mexico?
Papier-mâché the lot into religious artifacts, then bless 'em and sell 'em on the piety stall to raise money for a new roof or something.
Joyful papist - please don't ruin manure by contaminating it with editions of The Tablet.
Your obsessive attacks on The Tablet (fellow-Christians) and obsessive need to be right and know The Tablet is wrong might benefit from reading this piece sent to me today:
'Why is Christianity still so immature?
All spiritual teachers tell us “DO NOT JUDGE.” For those of us raised in a religious setting, this is very difficult. In a strange way, religion gave us all a Ph.D. in judgmentalism. It trained us very early in life to categorize, label, and critique. It told us all about worthiness and unworthiness. This judgmental mind told us what is right and wrong, who is gay or straight, and who is good or bad. This sort of mind never creates great people, because everybody has to fit into our way of thinking. At an early age our grid was complete. We had decided who fit in and who did not fit in. We fashioned our own little world.
Christianity that divides the world in this manner and eliminates all troublesome people and all ideas different from our way of thinking cannot be mature religion. It cannot see the multiple gifts of each moment, nor the dark side that coexists with it. This mind does not lead us to awareness, and above all, this mind will find it impossible to contemplate. To practise awareness means you live in a spirit of communion; your world becomes alive and very spacious, and not divided by mere mental labels.'
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Father: I think the kitten in the entry a little further down would enjoy a change in her litter box. The only problem is that the Tablet's high china clay content might mean it wouldn't be as absorbent as standard cat litter.
Father, I assume this is a newspaper. In the states when we receive unwanted mail we return them "addressee unknown, return to sender". Or load up a truck and drop them off it their front door in neat little piles. Roll them up tight and use them for firewood at scouting trips or bonfires.
Richard
I had thought of drying them out and using for the fire on Holy Saturday : but that's meant to be a 'Holy Fire', which I think rather rules them out . . .
However, I seem to remember that HM uses shredded paper in the Royal Mews to soak up unfortunate equine accidents, which seems a fitting end to something that is already fundamentally 'merde'.
(I trust that the 'decent obscurity' of an alien tongue - see previous post - is acceptable !)
Savonarola - with respect, you've entirely missed the point: the whole essence of the Tablet is that IT JUDGES - CONTINUALLY. Through its humanistic arrogance it smugly assumes IT knows better than the Magisterium - the successors of St Peter, called into God's service, not to mention the host of extraordinarily intelligent and devout theologians over the past 2000 years.
Having addressed the serious stuff in my previous post, now for the fun bit, as requested:
It’s a great truism that once the tide turns in one area of life, it often triggers a wider cultural change elsewhere. So, now that we’ve got rid of that relativistic-totalitarian, ‘Old-New Labour’ govt, it’s entirely appropriate that the similarly orientated Tablet should also sink without trace - YES!
Thus, how about pulping all copies of that tired old, pseudo-sophisticated, judgmental, negative, drum-banging, luddite rag - along with copies of the Labour manifesto, and making a papier-mâché statue of Oona Stannard and Ed Balls for the Fourth Plinth in Trafalgar Sq. Then, God finishes it off nicely with some heavy, continuous rain ....
Savonarola
I would have thought that your choice of soubriquet suggested the "bonfire of the vanities" option, with the article you quote from to be used as the touchpaper - unless it is a clever satire on the tendency of those judging others' judgmental attitudes falling into the trap of judgmentalism. In that case you should flog it to the said periodical, and see if they publish it as a straight piece of journalism - as they did with the Cumbrian Agape letter.
Father
Alive Publishing and the Bishop's Conference are publishing a magazine called Faith Today.
‘The launch of Faith Today is an important moment in the life of the Catholic Church in England and Wales. I warmly commend it to you and ask you to promote this important means of communication among your friends and neighbours. I trust that it will grow to have an important place in the lives of all of us.’
Archbishop Vincent
I wonder if this magazine exists because The Tablet is no longer considered reliable as a means of advancing understanding of the faith.
Just a possibility.
Do the editors of The Tablet see this as competition?
Meanwhile The Tablet seem to have made the current edition available on their website. So we can see it and make our own minds up.
Keep up your good work.
Of course Catholicism is "immature." Those who do not become as little children cannot enter the Kingdom of heaven.
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