10 things that will not happen in 2013

Happy New Year! Apologies for the lack of blogging during the Christmas Octave. I see that there are comments awaiting moderation. I'll get to those later, but first a tradition of the blog - things that will not happen in the coming year, or things that will happen this year in an alternative universe:

1. Following his successful foray onto Twitter, Pope Benedict starts a new personal YouTube channel featuring Cardinal Deacons in liturgical dance to the top Bluegrass Gospel numbers. (With a Cardinal Priest to act as MC: Luis Tagle is tipped by Sandro Magister.)

2. Professor Richard Dawkins offers a considered and rational response to St Thomas Aquinas' De ente et essentia.

3. Bruvver Eccles is appointed Director of Communications for the Catholic Bishops' Conference of England and Wales.

4. Bara Brith takes up the ukelele to transform sacred music at Blackfen by playing "What a friend we have in Jesus" as a regular motet for the Offertory. (No point having just one bluegrass number in a fun post when you can have two.)

5. Mgr Andrew Burnham and Fr Ed Tomlinson compose an alternative liturgy for the Ordinariate with the assistance of the Beaker Folk of Husborne Crawley. Tea lights feature prominently.

6. The New Liturgical Movement runs a series conterpointing the "other modern" with the "normal modern", showcasing the most spiritually uplifting designs on polyester chasubles of the seventies.

7. The Society of St Pius X decide to open the windows by publishing a three-part treatise by Fr Dr Dr Klaus Sterngrumpher on Modern Man in Search of an Intercultural Meaning in the World of Today.

8. The Tablet responds to its drop in circulation by appointing Richard Collins as editor with a brief to introduce a new column on comparative religion.

9. Sir Dan of the Blogosphere (Bene Merenti) sets up a course in Carshalton offering Hopi Ear Candling, Aromatherapy and Indian Holistic Head Massage.

10. Gangnam dancing proves to be more than a silly passing fad.

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