Ten things that will not happen in 2008

Last year, I posted a list of things that would not happen in 2007. And hey! None of them did! Encouraged by this success, I will now give a list of predictions for things that will not happen in 2008. If they do, then you can, in the words of a threat issued frequently and with great charm by my dear old dad's Sergeant-Major, you can all rip my arms off and beat me about the head with the soggy ends.

1. The New Liturgical Movement will post in their sidebar the best guitar accompaniments to Colours of Day and Walk with me O my Lord together with freely available pdfs of the score.

2. Gillibrand at Catholic Church Conservation will be photographed giving the sign of peace to assorted stealth-priestesses at the Clown and Beerfest Mass held in Belgium to mark Glockenspiel week.

3. In the light of his recent conversion to Catholicism, Tony Blair will issue a statement unambiguously affirming the teaching of the Church on abortion, passive euthanasia, embryo destruction and homosexual civil unions, pledging that he will not vote for those things any more.

4. Mulier Fortis and Orwell's Picnic will jointly arrange a workshop for clergy helping them to discover their feminine side. The Catholic Caveman will assist as Minister of Welcome and spend a whole three days without using the word "asshole".

5. On days when the Vatican Bollettino has nothing to report but Rinunce e Nomine of obscure Vatican officials, they will run the best humorous video from Catholic Tube as entertainment.

6. Damien Thompson will run a series on Holy Smoke celebrating the wit and wisdom of the Bishops of England and Wales.

7. In exasperation, the stately Sandro Magister will finally lose his cool in a post referring to the Bologna School as a group of clowns who, in theological terms, couldn't organise a booze-up in a brewery.

8. The Bishops of England and Wales will enthusiastically welcome the clarifications of Ecclesia Dei regarding Summorum Pontificum and issue their own clarification repudiating any previous statements from them not in accord with it.

9. The Hermeneutic of Continuity will decide that tradition is naff anyway, change his profile picture to one in a Hawaian shirt, and list various hymns by Estelle White in his "Things I like" list.

10. The Latin Mass Society of England and Wales will feature "Alleluia Cha Cha" at their annual Requiem.

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