Actually, we call them "mobile phones" in England. The Mulier Fortis told me that mine must be due for an upgrade so the other day, while on my way to pick up my recovered backup hard drive (that's right - the backup failed!) I popped into the T-Mobile shop in Eltham.
This is always fun because I am one of their best customers. My SIM card still has "One to One" on it, demonstrating that I have been very loyal (mainly through inertia, actually). Unlike the banking industry, the mobile phone industry rewards such loyalty. I asked whether I was due for an upgrade. Excitedly, "Sylvia", a charming young African lady, said that I was indeed due to get a new phone on special terms. She looked up tariffs, brought out demo phones and took me through all the options until I decided that the MDA Compact IV would be a nice phone to have. So what deal could be done?
Sylvia phoned up the "Retention" people, gave all my details and advised me to take a cheaper tariff. She was uncertain whether I would benefit from this or from paying a higher tariff and getting a good deal on the cost of the phone. When she checked, she was herself visibly surprised that "Retention" said that I could have the cheaper tariff and have the £200 phone for £20. She told me that I was a "Very High Profile Customer". I have to say that this is probably because of paying my bills regularly over more years than some of their younger customers have been alive rather than my profile as a Catholic blogger.
Anyway, I now have a very snazzy 3G/HSDPA phone that will make my breakfast and emit a customised ringtone in the presence of doctrinal or liturgical aberrations. Here it is with a packet of fags to give the scale: