To the left, you can see a frightening picture of an elf that is in danger. On the instructions of the Archdiocese, I welcomed a chap last week to check over the Church and the Halls to make sure that the elves on our premises would not be subject to any unnecessary or avoidable danger. There have been rumours of lawsuits, insurance requirements and personal liability so I presume that Rivendell has become litigious in these dark times.I haven't personally seen any orcs or uruk' hai around but I felt it was just as well that he give the place a thorough inspection. He was particularly concerned about our fire extinguishers, some of which need such a comprehensive service that it is cheaper to replace them. More about that later. Anyway, with all sort of equipment, he tested this, tapped that, and wrote things down on a clipboard to prepare a comprehensive report for me with various policies and procedures; this will arrive in a few weeks. After that, he has to come over every six months or so to keep things up to date. I was relieved when he told me that we were pretty good and, apart from a few recommendations that he would make, we passed quite well for ...
... Elfin Safety.
The out of date fire extinguishers have all been replaced with brand new shiny ones all painted in the right colour. I therefore thought that I should find out just what happens when you let off a CO2 extinguisher. And good fun it was, too.
It struck me that the altar servers might well be our first line of defence in case of an attack from Mordor so I felt that if fire extinguishers played such a pivotal role in Elfin Safety, they should learn how to use them too. After much pleading and cajoling, they reluctantly agreed that if Father really wanted them to let off the fire extinguishers then they would do it, just to keep him happy.
BTW - handy tip from the Elfin Safety man: when letting off a CO2 extinguisher, don't hold the metal pipe or the horn. They get very cold and people have been known to end up with a fire extinguisher welded to their palm.Many thanks to Mac for the photos: Mulier Fortis: boys and their toys
13 comments:
What a splendid idea Fr Tim. I am tossing up between throwing my old fire extinguishers on the Easter fire to check our emergency evacuation procedures; or possibly attaching them to my parishioners' wheelchairs for races up the aisle!!
Fr Steven Fisher, Ss Ethelbert & Gertrude, Ramsgate, Kent, UK
Dear Fr Fisher, I take it you were not serious when you mentioned tossing the old fire extinguishers on the Easter fire.
But, PLEASE, just so as I can sleep at night, PLEASE promise NOT TO DO ANYTHING OF THE SORT. In the most serious spirit of Elf'n Safety those fire extinguishers being pressurized vessels could potentially explode, at best covering your parishioners in a mix of CO2 (oh dear just think what that would do for global warming!) and guey-foam, and at worst - well doesn't bear thinking about.
Now the wheel chair idea sounds absolutely brilliant! God Bless.
It zero degrees here in Chicago, with a windchill of minus 30, and all your photos from the UK are showing blue skies and shirtsleeves.
"A law was made a distant moon ago here:
July and August cannot be too hot.
And there's a legal limit to the snow here
In Camelot.
The winter is forbidden till December
And exits March the second on the dot."
Or was that February 2?
I'll admit to a smidgeon of envy, Father...
Oh alright George, just so you can sleep. I won't put the fire extinguishers on the Easter fire. I will let the parents and toddlers group use them for their axe throwing practice instead. Little Jimmy is so cute with an axe in his hand; it brings a tear to the eye. Fr Steven Fisher, Ramsgate
Father,
I thought we are morally obligated to "carbon fast" during Lent?
Using those extinguishers would certainly be a mortal sin if we still believed in that sort of thing.
Do the pictures and comments really communicate the essence of a CO2 extinguisher going off? The cold hand glued to the horn, yes, but what about the NOISE? It is, of course, much louder in an enclosed space. The water extinguishers are a bore in comparison ...
Well, let's just hope when you have some of your girl servers at Mass, it won't be the one where they have a "need to know" because evidently they didn't get to play.
(what the heck color were they BEFORE you got the red ones?)
Patrick - thanks for alerting me to an added advantage of this morning's extinguisher-fest. We added our bit to global warming and hence to a period of economic prosperity (as has been the case in the past with periods of global warming such as the 13th century). I should have sprayed some on my shoe to get a solid carbon footprint.
Joe - true. The next time, I'll get the video camera out - the noise is certainly quite something.
Karen - there were just no girls serving at the Latin Mass, honestly. The CO2 extinguishers used to be black. I thought this was helpful so that you didn't mistake one for a water extinguisher. But evidently black extinguishers don't help elves in quite the same way.
LOL! ;-D Pretty much figured it was afer your TLM. (Just don't forget to show the girls too for the NO Masses!) Have a good time up at Ampleforth. REMEMBER TO TAKE SALT.
K.
Axe throwing Fr Steven??!!!
Now you're talking.
Can I bring my own?
The 3' long genuine all American hickory wood handle is perfectly balanced against the 7lb (that's old money of course) honed and polished steel head!
I can split an apple in two from 30paces - any kids who would like to assist, you know the William Tell thing, apple on head, are very welcome. Must be at least 4'2" tall to qualify and of unshakeable (literally) character! Mum and Dad must sign the disclaimer!
Fr Tim, you take the prize for the best joke of the year (so far, it's only mid-Feb) - 'I should have sprayed some on my shoe to get a solid carbon footprint'.
Haaaaa Ha Haa - LOL!!!!!!
Fr. Finigan quips: ...The CO2 extinguishers used to be black....
Hmmmmm..... I can picture a white Roman collar painted around the necks thereof. These extinguishers would be a suitable counter against "hell fire," blasphemy, sin, etc.
I've heard some homilies that were much less resonant than a CO2 extinguisher.
--Guy Power
What would the health and safety people say?
For a few seconds, I thought the first photo showed Fr. Tim greeting a visiting reporter from the Glasgow Daily Record!
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